That subject line was a blatant lie, BUT there’s a chance that I MIGHT be on Mad Men. You see, they’re holding a contest called the “You Could Be On Mad Men Contest.” The name really says it all.

I’m entering this and I’m feeling pretty good about it seeing as how everyone else who has entered so far totally blows. You should probably enter too.

Feel free to discuss how this is the best F***ing show on TV in the comment section. I swear to God it makes me want to go back to 1950s and work in advertising SO BAD (but only if I had a penis and/or I could be Don Draper)!

Did I miss something? Since when did Converse abandon “classic, cool and American” for “cheap, flimsy and sophomoric?”

I guess the only way to sell an ass load of Chucks (in Target) is to abandon all equity with the style influencer market and go after tween boys so they can wear them for 2 months only to realize that the cool kids are wearing Pumas (not from Target).

This being the goal, “Out of Your League Girl” should work like a charm. I can’t think of a better way to destroy a brand’s equity than a series of poorly done online videos starring some chick that was possibly discovered shopping in a Hot Topic” in Phoenix, Arizona. Also, I can’t escape the notion that the set looks like the inside of an insane asylum.

It appears as though the folks over at a historically unexcessive network have grown a set and put out some rather astonishing content.

I should add a warning here, because this is super creepy and a little gross.

That really just happened. It was Green Porn from the Sundance Channel. You can watch more here…if you want.

Last week, I flipped on the tele after an evening of libations only to see this.

THAT was Animal Planet’s “Puppy Bowl.” It’s over an hour of puppies (mostly white fluffy ones) romping around on a miniature football field in HD. There’s even a halftime “Cat Show” of kittens playing with toys and confetti to what sounds like strip tease music. Yep, I watched it. I also DVR’ed it. Mostly because I didn’t think anyone would believe me should I try to describe it to them.

I can only suspect that this was some sort of half-baked brainchild born out of a desperate sales meeting called to concept a combo added-value package for a list of cross-category advertisers. This just goes to show you that occasionally good things can come out of meetings like that.

Best of luck, Animal Planet. I like your style.

Bad ads really piss me off. Nowadays when I see a bad ad I flip it the bird. Sometimes they take the shape of a web banner or a TV commercial, but I’ve found that most of the time bad ads find their way up on billboards. Needless to say, my road trips to the shore are filled with hundreds of flipped birds occasionally accompanied with the biting of the bottom lip action and a guttural “ughhh” grunt (depending on the degree of horribleness).

Here’s an example of one that would get my total “go to hell, bad ad” package (complete with bird, lip bite and “ughhhh”).

Anyway. Given this you can imagine my delight when I read this article. They’re putting little hidden cameras in billboards now. Why? To measure the overall effectiveness of the ad, determine the average demographics of viewer, how long they’re looking at it, etc. This is great for advertisers, but is proving to be quite a controversial for consumers who apparently hate being secretly filmed. Go figure.

I think it’s great. No, not because I’m an advertiser. Because I can help to better the world with my irrational displays of hatred and annoyance towards inanimate objects.

Good form, Net 10! We dig the micro site too. Now we should talk about letting Droga 5 get their hands on your corporate site too. My heavens, that thing is an eye sore.

Here’s my behaviorally targeted insult of the day.

Harsh. If I’m hospitalized for being a rexy bride as a result of this berating Facebook is totally getting the bill.

This is almost as bad as my friend Matt being constantly served hot t-n-a girlie ads even though he likes men. He claims Facebook is trying to make him straight.

At least I know it’s not just me. Apparently, an inflated and totally irrational set of ideals are being forced on us with targeted ads. Jeez, I wish Facebook wasn’t so judgmental.

Look! Somebody brilliant turned their childhood pain into a funny.

Yep, you can really buy the candles here. Excellent.

This commercial makes me never want to have sex again. In fact it desperately makes me want to do the opposite of have sex (long division or Soduku). I’ll even go so far as to say that outside of K-Y casting my parents as the leads there’s no possible way it could make me more uncomfortable.

Isn’t it ironic how every other brand in America is dripping of hot marketing sex, but K-Y would know sex if it bit it in the ass? I think so.

Just trying to wrap my brain around something here. You’re the biggest media ratings service in the world. Monolithic even! You’ve blazed trails since 1923. You’re able to channel billions upon billions of ad dollars by your effortless nod.

Here’s the bone I’m dying to pick with you. This “Hey! Nielsen” thing that was apparently to slapped together by what I can only assume was a team of high school interns has me tremendously under whelmed. No, beyond under whelmed. I’m terrified. Is this supposed to be any sort of response to our never-satiated desire for buzz metrics?

This is the deal. We need you to stop scaring us with this crap and hire some new blood to drag your saggy ass down the streets of tomorrow. In the mean time we need answers on breaking trends stat. Let’s be honest. You could probably make them up and we would all believe you.