1. This guy is the best infomercial host EVER.
2. I want a Slap Chop.

After being subjected to that Susan Boyle video numerous times last week I set out on a mission to find another video that strikes that delicate balance between incredibly amazing, yet mind-strickenly annoying.

This is what I came up with. Note how the flash mob hits an all time unbelievable, yet practically unbearable high at about 2:15 when the song turns into a super cool dance mix.

Reflecting on my jaded tendencies for a moment, my first thought when viewing this was, “what brand commissioned this stunt?” As if people wouldn’t just do stuff like this solely for the sake of joyful artistic expression. Thinking about what that might mean forces me to address cynical tendencies that I’m not yet willing to acknowledge may have become a part of my mental development possibly due to the fact that I work in advertising. My therapist will be hearing about this.

Sometimes I watch this the night before a client meeting I watch this and just imagine that we’ll have this kind of effect on the room. Figure the more I watch it the more likely it will happen one day.

You know that movie “Sliding Doors” staring Gwyneth Paltrow? Gwyneth’s character barely makes a train and this simple action manages to put her life on some grand alternative parallel. She catches her scumbag boyfriend in the act of cheating, cuts her hair, gets totally hot, falls in love with a great guy and has a wonderful life. All because she managed to catch that train. The other parallel life Gwyneth character doesn’t get home in time to catch her cheating boyfriend, keeps her long boring hair and is otherwise forced to endure a pathetic existence.

Since seeing this movie a number of odd years ago I am plagued by a rather consistent form of anxiety regarding my every move and action. Could one false step sent my life spiraling uncontrollably down a doomed trajectory? Shit. Has it already? The agony!

I’m going somewhere with this. Here it is. The first time I was introduced to the Pantaline clothing and accessories line I knew for a fact that I had misstepped somewhere along the way. This should have been my idea. My undertaking. I mean, for crying out loud, they make “Hug Jackets.” Jackets build for hugging. That’s amazing. I swear my brain was built for this stuff, but the world will never know.

So far nothing is available for public sale. I’m not sure it will ever be. That’s a bummer.