I got this email from MediaPost today. Desperately hoping it’s an email from 2004 that somehow accidentally got sent out again.

Bad ads really piss me off. Nowadays when I see a bad ad I flip it the bird. Sometimes they take the shape of a web banner or a TV commercial, but I’ve found that most of the time bad ads find their way up on billboards. Needless to say, my road trips to the shore are filled with hundreds of flipped birds occasionally accompanied with the biting of the bottom lip action and a guttural “ughhh” grunt (depending on the degree of horribleness).

Here’s an example of one that would get my total “go to hell, bad ad” package (complete with bird, lip bite and “ughhhh”).

Anyway. Given this you can imagine my delight when I read this article. They’re putting little hidden cameras in billboards now. Why? To measure the overall effectiveness of the ad, determine the average demographics of viewer, how long they’re looking at it, etc. This is great for advertisers, but is proving to be quite a controversial for consumers who apparently hate being secretly filmed. Go figure.

I think it’s great. No, not because I’m an advertiser. Because I can help to better the world with my irrational displays of hatred and annoyance towards inanimate objects.

Just trying to wrap my brain around something here. You’re the biggest media ratings service in the world. Monolithic even! You’ve blazed trails since 1923. You’re able to channel billions upon billions of ad dollars by your effortless nod.

Here’s the bone I’m dying to pick with you. This “Hey! Nielsen” thing that was apparently to slapped together by what I can only assume was a team of high school interns has me tremendously under whelmed. No, beyond under whelmed. I’m terrified. Is this supposed to be any sort of response to our never-satiated desire for buzz metrics?

This is the deal. We need you to stop scaring us with this crap and hire some new blood to drag your saggy ass down the streets of tomorrow. In the mean time we need answers on breaking trends stat. Let’s be honest. You could probably make them up and we would all believe you.

My life would be a lot more interesting if more media reps started rapping like the guys at Ripe. Delightful.

If I were to tell you that I get a little turned on at the part of the song where he talks about his “reach”…would that be weird?