I’m totally obsessed with Jace Everett. Not only is “Bad Things” the hottest f’ing song that’s ever entered my ear holes; it’s the theme for “True Blood,” the hottest f’ing show on TV.

His whole damned self-titled album is good. Provided you enjoy a little country from time to time.

Oh, and just for funsies, here’s some instruction for the 64-count country line dance inspired by “Bad Things.” I’m willing to bet you can think of a much sexier way to dance to this song. If not, you wouldn’t know sensuality if it bit you on the ass.

That subject line was a blatant lie, BUT there’s a chance that I MIGHT be on Mad Men. You see, they’re holding a contest called the “You Could Be On Mad Men Contest.” The name really says it all.

I’m entering this and I’m feeling pretty good about it seeing as how everyone else who has entered so far totally blows. You should probably enter too.

Feel free to discuss how this is the best F***ing show on TV in the comment section. I swear to God it makes me want to go back to 1950s and work in advertising SO BAD (but only if I had a penis and/or I could be Don Draper)!

It appears as though the folks over at a historically unexcessive network have grown a set and put out some rather astonishing content.

I should add a warning here, because this is super creepy and a little gross.

That really just happened. It was Green Porn from the Sundance Channel. You can watch more here…if you want.

Last week, I flipped on the tele after an evening of libations only to see this.

THAT was Animal Planet’s “Puppy Bowl.” It’s over an hour of puppies (mostly white fluffy ones) romping around on a miniature football field in HD. There’s even a halftime “Cat Show” of kittens playing with toys and confetti to what sounds like strip tease music. Yep, I watched it. I also DVR’ed it. Mostly because I didn’t think anyone would believe me should I try to describe it to them.

I can only suspect that this was some sort of half-baked brainchild born out of a desperate sales meeting called to concept a combo added-value package for a list of cross-category advertisers. This just goes to show you that occasionally good things can come out of meetings like that.

Best of luck, Animal Planet. I like your style.

HBO blows my mind. How is it possible that they continue to addict me to shows based on topics that I care nothing about?

Most recently, John Adams. I can’t stop watching this series. I think about it all the time. I talk about it with my friends. I’m a member of the fan group on Facebook. I have a raging crush on Thomas Jefferson. I’m devastated that there are only two episodes left.

Before John Adams I (somewhat embarrassingly admit that) I couldn’t find it within myself to give two shits about American History. Now I find myself desperately wishing that our founding fathers could follow me around for just a day. I would gleefully show them the fruits of their plight from the wonders of the Internet to the miracle of flight and space travel. Oh, I can only hope that their spirits consciously linger in our modern world of wonder!

(I don’t even know myself anymore.)

At any rate, here are some other boring topics that HBO made me care about.

Polygamist Mormons: One hardware store owner with 3 dowdy wives. Yawn. Somehow I can’t manage to look away.

Old Jewish Guys: Sure they’re cute and wonderful, but I never knew they could make me laugh this much!

Hot Guys Living the Dream in LA: Ok, this one is actually the opposite of boring. Never mind.

Thank God you’re back. I was about to start reading books.

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