Paris Hilton was at the Macy’s next door last week to promote her new fragrance, “CanCan.” We thought it would be cool if she met PA Tourism’s “bad boy” Groundhog star, Shadow, and maybe took a few promotional shots with him. After all, we thought, Shadow is WAY less creepy than Criss Angel and she didn’t mind publicly locking tongues with him for a few weeks back in 2006.

Long story short, it didn’t happen. According to Matt Vlahos, the Red Tettemer Spinster, this is how it all went down:

“After clearing it with all the layers of her entourage, Louis, dressed as our hero, Shadow, waited in line nearly three hours — and even bought a bottle of Can Can, her perfume. Yet as we neared the podium, Paris’ posse decided Louis (aka, Shadow) was too much of a security risk and made us leave. In fact, as he was trying to climb out from behind the velvet rope, he got caught — and was accused of creating a scene.”

Louis (a.k.a. “Shadow” and adoring Paris fan) is refused by Paris’ entourage

Here’s wonderful coverage of the whole debacle at Phillychitchat.com.

This might help the next time you’re out on the love hunt in a bar scene. It’s a face perception test that tells you what type of personality you’re drawn to in a romantic partner. It’s pretty cool. I found out that I’m an extravert, but I’m attracted to guys with facial features that are typically associated with introverts. Apparently this is not normal. Introverts are supposed to be attracted to introverts and extraverts are supposed to be attracted to extraverts. I guess this means I’d be better off dating guys that I’m not attracted to.*

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/faceperception1/

*If I were single. I’m not.

First recorded day of beard growth. 11.8.07

Welcome to a world where facial hair can help cure cancer. No, it’s not some fancy scientific development. It’s the First Annual Red Tettemer Beards to Beat Brain Tumors” to benefit the American Brain Tumor Association .

Here’s how it works. The guys in the photo above are growing beards. They’re not allowed to shave until December 13th. You can sponsor the growth with a daily commitment of any amount of money that you choose. I’m pledging $1 a day. One generous soul is pledging $5 a day.

We’ll post photos of the guys periodically as the beards slowly begin to take over their lives. To be honest some of them are looking down right silly by now. At least they’re past the itchy phase. I hear that’s a bitch.

To pledge contact the super hairy Chris Sembrot at csembrot@redtettemer.com.

Remember the 80’s TV show, “Small Wonder?” It was about a little girl named “Vicki” who possessed super human strength and superior intelligence all wrapped up in an adorable little girl body. As a child viewer of the program I desperately wanted to be Vicki. Here’s the catch, Vicki was a ROBOT. There is no way I could ever expect to operate at Vicki’s highly advanced capacity. She was a scientifically engineered android. I was merely a human child. This made me feel ok about me.

“Vicki” from “Small Wonder”

As we grow into adulthood we’re sometimes forced to face our own inadequacies. I try to avoid this as much as possible. Here’s an example, like most Americans I adore Cirque Du Soleil. My way of dealing with the fact that my body is not a chiseled piece of art capable of creative moment beyond my wildest dreams is by simply telling myself that the people in Cirque are androids like Vicki. It’s a lie, but it makes me feel ok about me.

Given all of this you can imagine the sheer disappointment I endured after finding this web site. It’s a recruitment site for Cirque du Soleil talent. This web site tells me that I may be able to perform these other-worldly feats of the flesh. I know that I am not. It says that all I need to do is apply and I can be a part of the show. I know that if I did this I would face instantaneous rejection. This does NOT make me feel ok about me.

“Thanks,” Cirque do Soleil, for ruining my day.

www.isitchristmas.com
Our saddest moment this week? Realizing that www.isthisawebsite.com was already taken.

As long as stuff like this keeps going on in the marketing world.

That is the logo for the Pediatric Center in Arlington, Virginia. Someone designed that. Others approved it. Here’s their website.