America thanks for rejecting this spot. It’s the last thing our beer-bloated bodies want to see when gnawing on a rack of slow-cooked pork ribs.

I would, however, like to thank PETA for giving me some fresh ideas on new uses for broccoli.

Question: Guess who’s the new spokesperson for Aruba Tourism.

A. Cindy Crawford: After disappointing sales of her furniture line at Raymore and Flannigan, Cindy decided it would be best if she went back to her roots of swimsuit-clad endorsing. She’s a viable option.
B. Regis and Kelly: So, I knew this girl in college who would give it up to any frat boy who’d take her out to a steak dinner. After burning through the Delta Sigma house in less than two months she found it next to impossible to land a date on campus. When I think about this woman I can’t help but be reminded of the way that Regis and Kelly approach brand endorsement deals and wonder if they’re sealing their “no more steak dinner” fate. Yeah. It’s got to be Regis and Kelly, right?
C. Louis Black: What? No. It can’t be Louis Black! That’s just silly.

Answer:

Louis totally sold out! This makes me less likely to watch any future HBO specials he may be in, but oddly somewhat more likely to visit Aruba.

First of all, you don’t have to be a well-paid marketer to figure that dropping the words “high fructose” out of the name “high fructose corn syrup” may make the product more appealing to the masses. To take it one step further, I’d venture to even say that the word “syrup” might alienate more health-conscious consumers. What about “the Essence of Corn” or “Corn Juice?” Just a thought.

Also, here are some other things that won’t kill a human if administered or consumed in moderation:

1. Mild electric shock
2. Raid brand insecticide
3. Methamphetamine

Oh yeah and “great job” on the casting.

Coffin Couches are the new hotness.

I think it’s cute how the atheists put their hard-earned money together to run an ad campaign to tell people that they think there’s no such thing as God. I guess they did it because they got bored just sitting around judging Christians and talking about how death is totally going to suck.

The Centro Santa…

A) Is an accurate depiction of a modern evolution of Santa.
B) Is an outright betrayal of the tradition of Santa Claus and therefore anti-Christmas and therefore totally un-American.
C) Is somehow somewhat attractive and therefore makes me question parts of my sexuality that I may not wish to address…ever.

This doesn’t really make me want to drink more milk, but it MIGHT make me want to experiment with hallucinogenic drugs and sit in a bathtub full of milk. I’m not sure if this was part of the strategy, but it could arguably lead to even more Milk sales.

Oh, and try to get to the infinite guitar solo in outer space. It’s amazing.

Sellout (sel out) noun: One who has betrayed one’s principles or an espoused cause.

Just sayin’.

If you’re one of those people who reads this blog on a somewhat regular basis you know that I believe billboards along with other out-of-home placements are totally abused as a medium. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is because of three reasons (that I will apologetically bore you with right now. Bear with Me.).

1. It’s every car-dealin’ asshole’s dream to see his face stretched across a 14 x 48 sheet of vinyl.
2. Super low CPMs = good for big brand media mixes
3. Out-of-Home vendors are money hungry bastards who harbor very little ethics on the disgraceful images with which they carelessly choose to pollute your environment.

Given my generalized disgust you can imagine my delight when my colleague, Annie, turned me on to this crew, the BLF (short for “Billboard Liberation Front”). They’re a team of anonymous media preserving activists who deface billboard advertisements that they feel are esthetically unpleasing and (therefore) offensive.

(Some anonymous BLF’ers at the office)

On the record: It sure is sad that ads paid for by hard-earned media dollars are destroyed (with a wink and smile and an “awe shucks” snap).

Off the record: These people may be extremists, but it sure is nice that SOMEONE out there is doing their part to preserve the integrity of messages that bombard us every day. Let’s face it; they’re bringing attention to ads that people would have been subconsciously oblivious to anyway.

I’d like to have coffee with the person who made this and congratulate them on creating such a fine piece of interactive art. I’m pretty sure I’d never want to see them again after that.